“Will You Marry Me?”
Part IV
How much do you know about marriage?
In observance of humanity, I am persuaded to believe that too many know too
little about this subject. I invite you to study this very important theme
as God has instructed and instituted this union.
The need is obvious. It is obvious by the fact that two out of three
marriages end in divorce today (a stat that has even found its way into the
“Body of Christ”). It is obvious
by the advice given by marriage counselors, preachers, in-laws, lawyers,
advice columnists, and by this entire like. It is obvious by the attitude of
many of our civil authorities, Senators, representatives, and so on. It is
obvious by the teaching that our children are exposed to in our public
schools.
It is interesting to note that none of the above, including most preachers,
refer to God’s word in dealing with marital problems, or even teaching in
advance the understanding of marriage as God has revealed it. God’s word
affirms that there is not a problem that a husband or wife may have that God
doesn’t answer.
The key is:
APPLICATION!!!
Beginning
with this lesson we want to present some specific responsibilities of the
husband and wife. These will be brief because of the format we are working
with, but will serve as a starting point for your study.
With each
relationship there are corresponding responsibilities established by God.
Successful marriages do not just happen! They are the result of a
realization of responsibility and a working towards fulfilling these
specific commissions. Marriages have troubles, and many break up, because of
the failure to realize and fulfill responsibility on the part of either or
both the husband and wife. Let’s note some basic necessary responsibilities
of marriage. We will begin with the Husband first.
Headship –
God has
used three terms in His instruction to husbands that teach the man’s
responsibility of headship.
Initially,
God had determined that man needs a helper, someone to assist him in
fulfilling his God given mandates!
Genesis 2:18
“And the
Lord
God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a
helper comparable to him.””
The woman
was made for man, to be a help suitable for him. The very fact that God made
her from man and for man certainly points to the fact that he was to be over
her.
NOTE:
I am at
this point going to speak to the modern day issues of equality. There is
a naive and uneducated presumption by many that women are to be enslaved
due to this mandate of God!
This is
simply and wholly untrue! The establishment of headship by God is for
the single purpose of order and attachment of responsibility!
As God
determined to make man a helper comparable to him; God ordered Adam to
name the animals, as God brought them to him as an exercise of
understanding, note:
Genesis 2:19-20
“Out of the ground the
Lord
God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and
brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever
Adam called each living creature, that was its name.
20
So Adam
gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of
the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to
him.”
In this
exercise, Adam came to the conclusion that his equal did not exist as
yet. After God formed Eve, note the conclusion of Adam:
Genesis 2:23
“And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh; She
shall be called Woman, Because she was taken
out of Man.””
As we
can clearly see, the creation of woman was in fact an issue of equality,
and worthiness. The purpose of headship does not diminish this, but in
fact supports it in a God created order. As we will clearly see; that
when the man fulfills his God given role as head of the home, the woman
is in fact empowered to accomplish her responsibilities, not enslaved.
It is a
modern day humanistic view that diminishes woman by the mandate of God;
not God or His order! This lesson will establish this in fact!
Now let’s
look at the first of three words
we want to emphasize concerning the headship of man:
Genesis 3:16
“To the woman He said:
“I will
greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception;
In pain you shall bring forth children;
Your desire shall be for your husband,
And he shall rule
over you.””
As God
rebuked the man, the woman, and the serpent for their role in the
introduction of sin; God clearly defined the responsibility of the woman in
subjection to her husband and the husband as the head. The word
“Rule” is the same in definition
as headship, and informs the wife that she is to be subject to her husband;
thus he is to be her head.
The
second word is found in the New
Testament, note:
1 Timothy 5:8
“But if anyone does not
provide for his own, and especially for those of his household,
he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
This word
“Provide” and the responsibility
it indicates, certainly demands that the man provide for his wife. The
responsibility of providing makes one over those whom the provision is made.
This;
however, is not the most important of these words for the purpose of
understanding “headship”. Note:
1 Corinthians 11:3
“But I want you to know that the head of every man is
Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is
God.”
Ephesians 5:23
“For the husband is head of the wife, as also
Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.”
In these
passages our attention is called to the fact that God made man to be the
head of woman and specifically, “The
husband is head of the wife”. Both illustrations include God’s order,
and the passage in
Ephesians includes an illustration
of the order of authority of Christ as Head of the church; which no one as a
true servant of God would question; so why do we question the other?
The sad
fact is that too many husbands do not understand what it means to be head of
his wife or to rule over her or provide her with headship (the godly order
of the home to accomplish all that God has charged to be accomplished by the
family nucleus – the man’s responsibility); consequently their marriage is
far from pleasant or orderly! God does not teach nor does He want the
husband to be some kind of dictator over his wife –
Ephesians 5:28-29.
Let’s point
out at this junction that this headship is demonstrated and defined for us
and what the husband must do is follow the demonstration which will
guarantee happy wives and a harmonious marriage. Look again at
1
Corinthians 11:3. Now, how did God exercise His headship over
Christ? Was not Christ Jesus
headship the same over man? These are man’s example as to how he must
exercise his headship over the woman (to
act in their best interest – Godly goals,
earnest effort to provide,
nurture,
and love).
To make
specific application to the husband and wife, take another look at
Ephesians 5:23. How does Christ exercise His headship over the
church?
He is
firm in doctrine and faithful expectation; yet, loving in provision,
understanding, a compassionate Guide, a Leader, an Example (hear that
one guys), a Teacher, and a Shepherd.
Husbands,
this is our guide and example of the headship we are to demonstrate; this is
how we are to treat our wives! How can a wife reverence or respect a man
that treats her as an animal, a possession, or unequal?
Love –
Ephesians 5:25
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the
church and gave Himself for her”
Yes, love
is a responsibility in marriage. We should often wonder if many or any
husbands know what love is. Many men, and even woman, enter marriage
thinking that love and sex is one and the same thing.
The word
“Love”, as it is used in
scriptural context, has nothing to do with sex. This word
“Love” is from the Greek word
which means devotion;
which is demonstrated but expects nothing in return.
There is
another Greek word, which is also translated as
“Love” that is a necessary part
to any happy marriage, and that is
affection.
Affection
must also be demonstrated but unlike devotion, it has a right to expect
affection in return.
Sex can be
involved in affection and affection must be involved in sex. Keep
this in mind when studying
1 Corinthians 7:1-5. Also understand
that sex is not the only expression of affection, and definitely should
never be.
Husbands,
when was the last time you told your wives that you loved her, or opened the
door for her, or held her hand? This is not being a softy or a sissy (as
societies may often dictate), it takes a
man to be a husband, but
anybody can be foolish!
We are not
done yet! We will speak more to responsibilities in the next several
lessons! The next lesson will continue to look at the husbands
responsibilities, before we move on to the wives.
Next: “The Responsibility of Nourishing and
Cherishing!”