“Will
You Marry Me?”
Part IX
How much do you know about marriage?
In observance of humanity, I am persuaded to believe that too many know too
little about this subject. I invite you to study this very important theme
as God has instructed and instituted this union.
The need is obvious. It is obvious by the fact that two out of three
marriages end in divorce today (a stat that has even found its way into the
“Body of Christ”). It is obvious
by the advice given by marriage counselors, preachers, in-laws, lawyers,
advice columnists, and by this entire like. It is obvious by the attitude of
many of our civil authorities, Senators, representatives, and so on. It is
obvious by the teaching that our children are exposed to in our public
schools.
It is interesting to note that none of the above, including most preachers,
refer to God’s word in dealing with marital problems, or even teaching in
advance the understanding of marriage as God has revealed it. God’s word
affirms that there is not a problem that a husband or wife may have that God
doesn’t answer.
The key is:
APPLICATION!!!
Up to this point, the lesson we have engaged in show that we should be
impressed with the fact that marriage is not a 50/50 proposition, but a
100/100 proposition. Each party involved has responsibilities that are 100%
his or her own; and if the marriage is a happy and successful one, each
working to fulfill these responsibilities. In the last several lessons we
have examined in brevity some of the basic responsibilities of the
perspective husband and wife. Beginning with this lesson we are going to
look at some of the necessary ingredients that must go into a happy
marriage.
It is vital to note that these ingredients are focused on
ATTITUDE!
Understanding –
1 Peter 3:7
“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with
understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as
being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be
hindered.”
I find it interesting that although the man is the head in the marriage
relationship, and we already know that he is commanded to love his wife as
himself (Ephesians
5:28); Peter commands the man to dwell with their wife in
understanding, giving honor
to the wife!
Note:
Many have struggled with the mention of the woman as the
“weaker vessel”; and
although there are physiological truths to this (yet, we also know that
in many ways she is stronger in certain arenas than men), it is not
truly what Peter is speaking towards.
Consider your mothers fine china. Do you treat it like the daily dishes,
or is it given a reverent respect and appreciation for the special
occasions that it is used for? Peter is simply stating that men should
elevate their wives as something of the greatest value and needing to be
made more precious than anything else in his possession! Doesn’t this
coordinate with
Ephesians 5:28-29?
This is not happenstance, a side thought, nor is it something that will be
confined to just the man before or after the couple is married. Let’s take a
look at this subject.
First,
the man and woman that are planning to enter into the marriage relationship
ought to spend the necessary time to come to an
understanding of just what
marriage is all about, as described by God!
To many times today, husbands and wives have become competitors instead
of companions!!!
They must understand that
marriage is ordained by God and that it is He who joins them together as
husband and wife. They need to
understand that God is the greatest marriage counselor that there is and
that His book, His word is the greatest marriage manual that can be had. All
of this is just the beginning of
understanding!
Second,
perhaps the most important and difficult part about this
understanding is to be able to
understand each other!
The husband, in order to respond to his wife, must try to
understand that she is different
than he is (don’t say duh! Are you really ready to
understand your potential
mate?).
Here is a thought that may help you comprehend the difficulty in this
instruction:
Say that all you’re working like you have done a specific job; then the time
comes to train a replacement. You train the replacement to do the job
exactly how you did it. The following week, the new employee fails
miserably. Management and you go in to see why. You complain,
“I showed him exactly how I do this
job”. The new employee agrees, and then says,
“He showed me exactly how he does the
job right handed, but I am left handed; and he says I have to do it exactly
like he did it!” Where was the veteran employees
understanding of the new
employee?
The woman thinks differently, she is made differently, her emotions are
different, and therefore her needs are different (those of us who have
raised girls were very thankful for this difference during the
teenage years!!!).
Without this understanding the
husband cannot relate to, nor treat his wife as a wife ought to be treated.
Along with this understanding he
ought to also understand her
responsibilities, as well as his own to the marriage. Do you really
understand your potential mates?
Having this understanding, wives
will never be left wanting!
Third,
wives do you really understand
your husbands? Do you understand
that he is different than you? Do you
understand the responsibilities
that God has assigned Him? Do you
understand your responsibility as a help-meet to him? Do you
understand that universally he
is not as emotional as you and if he does show a little emotion that he is
no less a man? Do you respect the great role in the marriage and family that
God has given him, his likes and dislikes and respect them?
Fourth,
each partner must try to understand
why the other acts as they do or why they say the things that they say; what
they value, and is God in the center of it!!! Each should also try to
understand self as they relate
to each other. Can you see why
understanding is so important and necessary for a successful working
marriage?
Fifth,
the lack of understanding in the
marriage relationship is purely selfishness, and selfishness is the hidden
cause of virtually all domestic conflicts (James
4:1).
Note the words of Paul to Christians in their submission towards one
another; which has application here as well:
Romans 15:1-3
“We then who are strong ought to bear with the scruples
of the weak, and not to please ourselves.
2
Let each of
us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification.
3
For even
Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written,
“The
reproaches of those who reproached You fell on Me.””
(Psalms
69:9)
Similarly,
Paul had this to say about selfishness, note:
Philippians 2:3-4
“Let
nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in
lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.
4
Let each of
you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of
others.”
The use of
the word “nothing” extends the
borders of unlimited actions to be regulated by this command; which would
include how we interact as husband and wife!
If husbands
and wives have a proper
understanding they will work to assist each other rather than to please
self! This is clearly understood
by those of us who wish to maintain harmony with God in our service to Him
(fellowship – joint participation), why would we then struggle to see the
necessity in the harmonic union of marriage?
In dealing
with understanding, just as it
is essential in every walk of life, we must submit to the wisdom of God.
Virtually all wickedness can be accredited to the lack of
understanding. Note what terms
Paul would use to describe perilous times to come after the Apostolic age:
2 Timothy 3:1-4
“But know this, that in the last days perilous times will
come:
2
For men
will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers,
disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3
unloving,
unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good,
4
traitors,
headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God”
Everything
mentioned here has a root in selfishness!!!
(Did anyone
count how many times understanding
is emboldened in this lesson? Just curious?)